Subject : just a few words Author : ash Date : 4/30/2002 6:29:44 PM

silent whispers melt within the lines of the paper repressing the shallow pleas of emptiness. swollen amongst the pain ive led them along the fall of darkness tonight. overwhelming speed of hurt... flesh wounds gaping inside a deleted past... catastrophic whirlwind of torment lies in front of my path to a breathing future... i taste a sour taste and shiver deep within merely glancing at what forms in front of me. as the the sweat runs down my hand it slowly stretches over my first words and last forever indulging deep into a silence only my pen can escape....

Subject : just a few words Author : Carly Date : 5/1/2002 12:48:59 AM

silent whispers melt within the lines of the paper repressing the shallow pleas of emptiness. swollen amongst the pain I THOUGHT it might be good to say 'against' the pain ive led them along the fall of darkness tonight. overwhelming speed of hurt... flesh wounds gaping inside a deleted past... catastrophic whirlwind of torment lies in front of my path LIES 'IN' my path - I don't see how it could be in 'front of' the path to a breathing future... i taste a sour taste I TASTE a sourness - just to avoid saying 'taste' twice and shiver deep within merely glancing at what forms in front of me. as the the sweat runs down my hand it slowly stretches over my first words and last forever indulging deep into a silence only my pen can escape.... VERY intriguing poem, Ash. The suggestions, of course, are merely my humble opinion. Thanks for sharing it here. Carly :-)