Subject : re: Valhalla feedback for re-write ?? Author : Beth M Date : 4/27/2002 12:08:40 PM
Hey Richard, Greg, Carly, anyone else, what do you think??, Give it to me I am ready to work this one or cleanup the overworking, Peace, Beth

Subject : re: Valhalla feedback for re-write ?? Author : Beth M Date : 4/27/2002 4:04:39 PM

Valhalla For the reason that I am a nomad worthy of instituting a Warrior’s Heaven, I spiritually contract my loyalty, allocate my courage to truth. Trails of fallen contenders decapitated with mud eyes act as tentacles of discouragement corpses permeate me - not I hasten suited in armor, burst through disreputable muck, in honor - tenet forged I commend the éclat province fertile molten deserts luminosity escalating like tones, hues, tints of sun kissing ocean’s horizon Eyes burn with sand sting and sweat beads dripping with each passing each sinuous opening my skin is swathed in ancient flora barren by centuries of perseverance my distended roaring throat bewails appeals to the elders, who answer in my name, pour dulcet nectars through my lips enriching liquid and internal light fuse In transmutation, I am destroyed, and reborn fear vanishes and rage is emancipated I shed my defense and bend my ear, distinguished voices hearken my wings this voyage to Valhalla

Subject : re: Valhalla feedback for re-write ?? Author : CarlyDate : 4/27/2002 8:01:38 PM

For the reason that I am a nomad worthy of instituting a Warrior’s Heaven, BRING the 'of' down to join that line I spiritually contract my loyalty, allocate my courage to truth. Trails of fallen contenders decapitated with mud eyes act as tentacles of discouragement corpses permeate me - not I hasten suited in armor, WELL IF you were going to do that with 'I hasten', you'd have to put a comma after 'not' and a comma after 'hasten'. burst through disreputable muck, in honor - tenet forged I commend the éclat province fertile molten deserts luminosity escalating like tones, hues, tints of sun kissing ocean’s horizon WHY escalating 'like' tones, et al? How about 'with' rather than 'like'? Eyes burn with sand sting and sweat beads dripping with each passing DROP 'beads' down to that last line each sinuous opening my skin is swathed in ancient flora barren by centuries of perseverance my distended roaring throat bewails appeals to the elders, who answer in my name, pour dulcet nectars through my lips enriching liquid and internal light fuse In transmutation, I am destroyed, and reborn fear vanishes and rage is emancipated I shed my defense and bend my ear, distinguished voices hearken my wings this voyage to Valhalla ISN'T that 'harken'? It is still a very interesting poem. I hope I'm being helpful with it.

Subject : re: Valhalla feedback for re-write ?? Author : Carly Date : 4/28/2002 9:42:05 PM
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