Subject : Valhalla Author : Beth M Date : 3/30/2002 4:07:38 AM

Valhalla For the reason that I am worthy of dwelling in Warrior’s Heaven, I contract my loyalty, consign my courage to truth Luminosity rises from molten deserts I commend the province as ancient flora swathe my skin In honor, with tenet, I gallop forge on through the disreputable muck, knowing tentacles of discouragement can not permeate me barren by centuries of perseverance my roaring throat appeals to the elders They answer in my name pour dulcet juices through my lips As liquid and light fuse I am destroyed, transformed and reborn Fear vanished and rage emancipated I voyage to Valhalla my wings heartened by distant echoes

Subject : Valhalla Author : GregDate : 3/30/2002 11:28:58 AM
Yes, but did you die with a sword in your hand? Or maybe the pen was your sword. Ha ha :) Greg.

Subject : Valhalla Author : Richard Date : 3/30/2002 9:08:15 PM

Beth: Wow, I really like this. Some nice lines here. Some thoughts on tightening the excess: For the reason that I am worthy of dwelling in Warrior’s Heaven, (This opening is strange. I'm wondering if there is another method of letting the reader know the speaker is a warrior. warrior's heaven seems wierd.) I contract my loyalty, consign my courage to truth Luminosity rises from molten deserts (Luminosity doesnt work well in my opinion. To be honest, i would even suggest using "light." Or, when you use molten deserts, I would have liked to have seen a copper haze rising from the milten desert, or something similar.) I commend the province as ancient flora swathe my skin (Yowzers! Killer line!) (I commend the province, swathe my skin in ancient flora) In honor, with tenet, I gallop forge on through the disreputable muck, (I gallop in honor - tenet, forge through disreputable muck) knowing tentacles of discouragement can not permeate me (I would have liked to have seen the image of dead warriors; which would act as the discouraging tentacles.) barren by centuries of perseverance my roaring throat appeals to the elders ( <--- lose "the") They answer in my name ( <--exchange "they" with "who") pour dulcet juices through my lips As liquid and light fuse I am destroyed, transformed and reborn (destroyed seems very plain, something with more "umph" to support the fusing of liquid and light.) Fear vanished and rage emancipated I voyage to Valhalla my wings heartened by distant echoes ( danger, danger - cliche! All though distant echoes works well in the scene, it is cliche, and the only one I noticed. I would consider exchanging it with something more unique. This is very good though, just some minor excess here and there, but overall, I really like it. I'd like to see it again after you revise.) Richard

Subject : Valhalla Author : Carly Date : 3/31/2002 12:01:37 AM

For the reason that I am worthy of dwelling in Warrior’s Heaven, I contract my loyalty, consign my courage to truth Luminosity rises from molten deserts I commend the province as ancient flora swathe my skin In honor, with tenet, I gallop forge on through the disreputable muck, knowing tentacles of discouragement can not permeate me barren by centuries of perseverance my roaring throat appeals to the elders They answer in my name pour dulcet juices through my lips As liquid and light fuse I am destroyed, transformed and reborn Fear vanished and rage emancipated I voyage to Valhalla my wings heartened by distant echoes Subject : Valhalla Author : GregDate : 3/30/2002 11:28:58 AM Yes, but did you die with a sword in your hand? Or maybe the pen was your sword. Ha ha :) Greg. Subject : Valhalla Author : Richard Date : 3/30/2002 9:08:15 PM Beth: Wow, I really like this. Some nice lines here. Some thoughts on tightening the excess: For the reason that I am worthy of dwelling in Warrior’s Heaven, (This opening is strange. I'm wondering if there is another method of letting the reader know the speaker is a warrior. warrior's heaven seems wierd.) I contract my loyalty, consign my courage to truth Luminosity rises from molten deserts (Luminosity doesnt work well in my opinion. To be honest, i would even suggest using "light." Or, when you use molten deserts, I would have liked to have seen a copper haze rising from the milten desert, or something similar.) I commend the province as ancient flora swathe my skin (Yowzers! Killer line!) (I commend the province, swathe my skin in ancient flora) In honor, with tenet, I gallop forge on through the disreputable muck, (I gallop in honor - tenet, forge through disreputable muck) knowing tentacles of discouragement can not permeate me (I would have liked to have seen the image of dead warriors; which would act as the discouraging tentacles.) barren by centuries of perseverance my roaring throat appeals to the elders ( <--- lose "the") They answer in my name ( <--exchange "they" with "who") pour dulcet juices through my lips As liquid and light fuse I am destroyed, transformed and reborn (destroyed seems very plain, something with more "umph" to support the fusing of liquid and light.) Fear vanished and rage emancipated I voyage to Valhalla my wings heartened by distant echoes ( danger, danger - cliche! All though distant echoes works well in the scene, it is cliche, and the only one I noticed. I would consider exchanging it with something more unique. This is very good though, just some minor excess here and there, but overall, I really like it. I'd like to see it again after you revise.) Richard

Subject : Valhalla Author : Carly Date : 4/4/2002 12:56:12 AM
I'm moving this one upstairs here - don't want these great poems getting buried with under the Flash posts. By the way, Beth - Sunday Night Flash is going to be a regular thing.