Subject : Hiding In Lions Author : GregDate : 3/8/2002 6:38:10 PM

I submitted this to some journals... waiting for some bites... What ya'll think? Hiding in Lions At the sidewalk Café we sit Stoic in purpose Like the two stone lions Outside the town library, Content to just stare onward And absorb the lives of others. Sentinels to what lies just ahead, And there is much lying ahead. Smiling lions? No. It is merely erosion, Experience smoothing lines To thin grins, a perception of joy. We dare not look to each other For fear of finding effigies peering back. What could be burning so? Dreams? Passions? Vows? We can only acknowledge simple logics, Basic conversation Tumbling off the lion’s rough tongue Consumed and all consuming: “The coffee is hot.” “Yes. It is hot.” But we never answer The burning question. We fear it so. What could be burning so? We are experienced. We are worldly. We are worlds apart savoring the gap As if it was the only Piece of shade on the savannah. Distance brings a strange comfort By reducing the need to touch The strands of gray in our manes. There lies our fear but also something more… We suspect under the stone lies nothing, Hollowness carved by a world-wise edge That cuts both ways on most days. So… Devoid of pride, we roar by saying nothing: “The weather is nice, today.” “Yes. It is nice.” At the sidewalk Café we sit And try our lying suits on for sighs. But we are not lions. Lions are not cannibals.

Subject : Hiding In Lions Author : Richard Date : 3/8/2002 7:49:23 PM

Very thought-provoking Greg; though I am not sure I was able to grasp the real meaning. I'll try giving it a couple more reads and perhaps get back to you. One thing I noticed that I didn't particularly like was the length, but again, before I can fairly provide any commentary, I need to grasp the meaning. Everyone ask Greg about his recent publication acceptance. Everyone ask Greg how much he impressed the editor. Everyone ask Greg why he was hiding such a glitzy gem up his sleeves! Richard

Subject : Hiding In Lions Author : Gillie Date : 3/8/2002 10:25:05 PM

I like this very much and I think (think, I said) I get the meaning. Reminds me of a story by Hemingway, "Hills Like White Elephants." The lions are a nice metaphor and the words and images of the poem are nicely turned...I have two snags though: first, the repetition of "so" at the end of two lines in a row...the "so" doesn't seem to serve much purpose in the second line and would probably hang up the reader, I think. Secondly, while I'm not so keen on going ballastic about length (the poem is written well enough so that it keeps the reader in there for the duration), I do think you could have accomplished the whole theme, point and breadth of the situation in two-thirds of the length. I would suggest that you revise and make the poem go "straight to the point." When revising for length, I usually find Stephen King's advice most helpful: "kill your darlings." Your favorite line (or your favorite stanza) usually turns out to be the one you need the least. Anyway, just offering up my humble opinion. Anxious to see where a revision on this could take us.... Gillie

Subject : Hiding In Lions Author : Carly Date : 3/8/2002 10:27:44 PM

Well, I understood the poem - I could even visualize the set of stairs leading to an entrance (of an institution - school, museum). I could see the couple nervously trying to make conversation. ^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- Tumbling off the lion’s rough tongue Consumed and all consuming: I WOULD have said 'from' the lion's rough tongue Just a tiny nitpick ... ^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^- GOOD luck with the journal submissions.