Subject : Tiny Hands Author : Jennine Date : 3/8/2002 5:03:24 PM

Oh how I wish I could wrap you in love, In such a way you could see, That each time your fingers wrap around mine, You become more dear to me. I wish you could see the joy in my heart, That swells as I watch you grow, Each new step leads to discovery, So many secrets you soon will know. And oh how I hope this tiny had holding mine Will feel enough love to fly, For the time Comes too soon that tiny hands Become grown-up, and wave good-bye. ******** Too cliche?

Subject : Tiny Hands Author : Carly Date : 3/8/2002 10:42:08 PM

Well, yes - cliches everywhere - but not to be discarded. If you yourself can find the cliches, then see what you can do with them. Sounds like a greeting card. The thoughts are worth working with though. Jennine, don't worry ... this will come. When I was first writing poetry it was frustrating - it wasn't until I started reading a lot of poems that I started to catch on. Maybe you should try a free verse poem. Keep working.

Subject : Tiny Hands Author : Richard Date : 3/9/2002 9:39:18 AM

I agree, reading poetry -- quality poetry is the best way to learn. Surfing the dictionary and thesaurus is a good way to sharpen your vocabulary because if you're going to write romantic stuff such as this, you need something in there tha is unique, and separates your work from "the rest." I would also try free verse. Rhymes, unless one is really good, are usually very devaluing to a poem, in my opinion, and most of them sound like a twisted nursery rhyme, or a greeting card, as Carly said. I'm going to make a small listt of top quality journals where all you have to do is click away and you can read some excellent poetry online. I stronly suggest you just to read as much as you can, and try your best to absorb the poem. I know I sometimes scan the words with my eyes, but I don't always let it sink in. Feel free to add to this list everyone. Pedestal (obviously) Pierian Springs (of course) http://www.pieriansprings.net Melic Review http://www.melicreview.com 3rd Muse http://www.3rdmuse.com Academy of American Poets http://www.poets.org/index.cmf Ploughshares http://www.pshares.org Web Del Sol http://www.webdelsol.com Aslop Rview http://www.alsopreview.com Pif Magazine http://www.pifmagazine.com Exquisite Corpse http://www.corpse.org/index.html Kenyon Review http://www.kenyonreview.com/ Susquehanna Quarterly http://www.traditional-poetry.org/ This one is an excellent example of traditional poetry, rhymes and whatnot, just to show you what a quality rhyme scheme is. Drunken Boat (Find Melissa Kirsch, she is brilliant) http://www.drunkenboat.com Snow Monkey http://www.ravennapress.com/snowmonkey/ Comstockk Review (Good print mag) http://www.comstockreview.org/journal/index.html Able Muse (Also good rhymes and traditionals) http://www.ablemuse.com/v3/home.htm Savoy Magazine http://savoymag.net/menu.asp Suite 101 (Lots of quality links to find more) http://www.i5ive.com/linkcategory.cfm/1994/3035 Richard

Subject : Tiny Hands Author : Jennine Date : 3/9/2002 10:24:19 AM
Carly and Richard, Thank-you for your suggestions. What I want to do with this poem is to keep the nursery rhymish feeling without being too cheesey since this is written to be read to a young child, kind of like a spoken lullabye. I'll keep working on it though, and would be greatful for your continued suggestions.

Subject : Tiny Hands Author : Carly Date : 3/9/2002 10:30:09 AM
'Tis why we are here .... 'tis no problem at all. You wouldn't believe the errors I make - just found out I left a whole line out in a poem I've been flaunting about lately - wondering why I have been applauded as the world's latest genius and I realize that if I'm going to show a poem based on the alphabet, I cannot eliminate the 'Y'. Why ... why? Hmmmm .... I'm on to something here.

Subject : Web links Author : Beth M Date : 3/9/2002 11:58:31 AM
Richard, your such a pal with sharing your stuff! Us young'ns do appreciate your support, and hopefully apply it to the writing and reading work. Thanks, Beth